It all depends on what I am working on. I prefer to listen to something without lyrics if I am writing. I find myself typing the lyrics to the song instead of writing the essay or story I am working on. When writing, I like to listen to house music or instrumentals. Sometimes I listen to something ultra chill like Jack Johnson if I have difficulty and feel a little stuck. Music is an essential part of my creative process. I am in college for Behavioral Science, and there are days when I would get absolutely nothing done if I didn’t have some music to get my mind going. As I got older, my hunger for knowledge has grown, but only some days am I excited about writing papers or taking quizzes. Music can help ease those frustrating feelings and get my thought process going so I can complete what I need to get done.
Marijuana in Recovery
A lot of people have a closed-minded view when it comes to marijuana. Mention marijuana and recovery in the same sentence, and you will raise some eyebrows. I understand. Marijuana is a substance that I have had trouble with as well. The medical grade cannabis with higher THC levels can be much more addictive than the weed I smoked as a young man. We didn’t get exposed to the potent strains they smoke recreationally today until I was in my early twenties. Even then, the cost was a massive deterrent. Now it is as simple as walking into a dispensary and picking the strain you want to smoke with the recent availability increase and legal leniency. More and more people are starting to smoke pot. As a recovering addict and recovery coach, I advocate for marijuana use with appropriate intentions. With knowledge, marijuana can provide many benefits with minimal or no psychoactive effects. CBD, CBN, and CBG are three of the more popular cannabinoids that have incredible medicinal and mental health benefits while producing minimal psychoactive effects. Delta 8 THC is another great cannabinoid with excellent benefits, but it is stigmatized and looked down upon in recovery. I struggled with the traditional way of recovery for a long time. I tried going to meetings. I tried suboxone. I was at my wit’s end when I finally went to rehab in 2022. I was on a mood stabilizer and a few other meds in treatment to help with anxiety and blood pressure. These medications had more of a mind-altering effect than any marijuana strain I smoked or ate. I felt like I was in a video game. I was present and aware but not entirely in control of my thoughts and actions. A doctor prescribed this medication after diagnosing me with PTSD, social anxiety, anxiety, and depression. I hesitated to stop taking my medications but knew something wasn’t right. Delta 8 THC has helped me tremendously when it comes to my anxiety. I did not want to smoke and be a lazy stoner, so I was incredibly nervous about smoking. Add to that the thought process I had associated with marijuana and recovery, and I was entirely against smoking. When I was clean, I could smoke once before, and it didn’t work out. But after doing an immense amount of research, I decided to try Delta-8, and I can say it has been a handy tool regarding my social anxiety and overall mood. So many people look at using marijuana in a medicinal sense as a relapse, and I’m afraid I have to disagree with that. My struggle with addiction has lasted two decades. I had come to terms with the fact that I would use drugs for the rest of my life. Delta-8 and my recovery program have helped me stay clean and feel better than I have in years. I understand everyone is different, and I am writing this for that reason. I share my story, praying that it helps someone find the strength to make any positive change. Recovery isn’t cookie-cutter. Everyone has a different way of working their program. What works for you might make me use, so I am not advising anyone to start smoking pot. I am only sharing what has been helpful because I know how hopeless I was and how grateful I am for the new way of life I found in recovery.
God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change—the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference.
Identity is Life
Finding a firm middle ground takes a lot of work. The line between confidence and arrogance is skinny. Finding the ability to stand by one’s boundaries respectfully can be elusive. The sacrifice of self is an unfavored option. No individual is more valuable than the self. Identity is life. Existence can seem empty without a sense of self. Almost as if days are pointless. It is similar to a ship with no destination. Life without a sense of self is a missionless quest—a life labyrinth. Purpose can be a guide—a map made of passion. Direction fueled by fire for life. The absence of this purpose can deflate hope. Optimism can be hard to obtain when there is nothing to look forward to. Motivation alone is not enough.
God. Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change—the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference.
The Happy Rapper
As a rapper, I struggled to make music that resonated with me and my beliefs. Hip-Hop is hyper-violent and misogynistic. I have never understood why it is the standard for rappers. I do not like that to make it in rap. Your songs have to be full of stories about drug deals and murder. Music and words are very powerful forms of energy. Music manifests its content, so if you make music full of promiscuity and violence, that is what you will get. Before my Mom passed, she was the biggest fan of my music. That is something that has always stuck with me. If I wouldn’t let my Mom listen to it, I won’t write it. I feel I have a moral obligation as a musician to use the gifts God gave me to spread a message of positivity and hope. Many artists are misusing the power they yield, and the outcome is becoming increasingly detrimental. I know people think music is just art and has no influence over the listener, but that is untrue. Music influences a lot more than just style and culture. Artists can control how a population behaves depending on their music’s subject matter. This is why I am passionate about making excellent rap music that doesn’t fit the typical hip-hop box. We can do so much as artists. I wish rappers would wake up and realize the influence and power they hold.
Find Humor
I always find it amusing to re-read a post I made in a rush. There are always endless typos and grammatical errors. Reading it with the mistakes always makes me laugh. Generally, this process begins with anxiety. We all feel embarrassed when we post something that wasn’t intentional, no matter how quickly we catch the mistake. These times can cause my anxiety to go haywire, and I can find myself wrapped up in a tornado of negative self-talk. When this happens. I find humor. Laughing at my mistakes or the fact that my brain is trying to bully me into thinking something that is not true in any way, shape, or form has helped me get through countless situations of severe anxiety. We all make mistakes. A thought I often turn to is the fact that the only perfect human was Jesus. Perfection is a personal choice. Something I see as flawed might sound or appear immaculate to someone else. I am happy as long as I am satisfied with the outcome and feel good about what I share. Often I get a bonus from being able to help someone with a story I told or advice I give in a video. Ultimately I have found self-acceptance through recovery. The skill of finding humor in my mistakes is a newly acquired attribute. Without everything I learn daily on my recovery journey, I would self-sabotage myself into relapse.
God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change—the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference.
7/2/2023
I am writing before I go to sleep so that it will be short. After posting my response to the daily writing prompt, I was looking at my insights and had no idea people were reading what I wrote. Thank you to anyone that has read what I post. I have been digging deep and leaning on my faith for weeks. Just feeling like I have some support is incredibly inspiring. Again, I want to thank you for reading. I appreciate every ounce of energy it takes.
God. Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.
Answer WordPress
In 2020 I overdosed while driving. I collided with another driver head-on and had to be cut from the car. In the accident, I broke my left ankle, broke and dislocated my right hip, and broke my right wrist, sternum, and four ribs. Add to that. I ruptured my spleen. They attempted to stop the bleeding at the University of Maryland Medical Center in Baltimore but were unsuccessful. I had to have a splenectomy. That was in addition to having my hip pieced back together with screws and pins, you know, tin man vibes, lol. Today I am clean and approaching eighteen months on my recovery journey. I say that to say, find gratitude and trust God. It is easy to complain and get caught up in the negative. Think about what you have and how someone out there right now would trade spots with you, as bad as you think things are.
Substance Abuse: Physical Addiction, Tolerance, and Withdrawal
Substance abuse is a prevalent issue in American society. Alcohol is a substance that is heavily abused and readily available in every community nationwide. Many Americans use alcohol or marijuana daily to unwind or relieve stress and don’t think they have a substance abuse problem. Not only are alcohol and marijuana used regularly, but along with those, most people also use nicotine or caffeine. These substances are so normalized that their daily use seems harmless, but the long-term effects of these inconspicuous substances can cause serious health issues. Most people aren’t aware of the dangers of substance abuse and addiction. This can lead to unintentional problems in personal and professional life if someone is uninformed. Advertisements and culture make these substances seem entirely harmless, but substance abuse has many stages of progression. Physical addiction, tolerance, and withdrawal are three critical stages of substance abuse that can harm an individual’s life.
You can see commercials for various substances just by watching TV or using your computer. Alcohol is regularly advertised, causing the commercialization of alcohol consumption. In today’s society, a reason to drink alcohol is rarely needed. At one point in time, alcohol advertisements were exclusively aired during significant sporting events, such as the Super Bowl. That still implies alcohol is necessary to enjoy the Super Bowl, but that is a much better alternative to where we are today. Because alcohol is so openly accepted, the symptoms of alcohol abuse can go undetected for some time. Many families aren’t aware of their loved one’s struggle with alcohol until severe consequences arise. Alcohol consumption is so openly accepted that it can seem like a person enjoys drinking while their life unravels from the seams. At the start, going to the bar with friends on the weekend doesn’t cause detriment. Over time, as tolerance increases, the intervals between drinking alcohol shorten, and it takes more alcohol than before to reach the level of intoxication preferred. This behavior continues until personal and professional life is affected and things fall apart. Avoiding alcohol is not easy. The supply of alcohol seems never-ending. There are liquor stores on every corner, and you can buy beer in some grocery stores. The easy access to alcohol makes building tolerance seem like child’s play. Due to the commercialization of alcohol through advertisements, many people drinking are often under the legal drinking age, unaware they are starting the beginning stages of substance abuse and addiction.
Over time, people build a tolerance to the effects of alcohol and other substances, such as marijuana. This causes a need for more of the specific substance to achieve the desired effect. When the tolerance is high, and a sudden stop to the abuse of a specific substance occurs, physical withdrawals can take place. With substances like marijuana, the physical withdrawal symptoms aren’t as severe as heroin or alcohol. In some cases, alcohol withdrawal can cause seizures. Withdrawal from opiates or heroin can be so intimidating that it can trap the addict in a cycle of perpetual drug use and suffering. Many people suffering from heroin withdrawal will enter a Medication Assisted Treatment program to help ease the pain of the withdrawal symptoms. Medication Assisted Treatment, or MAT, can include methadone, suboxone, and other medications to improve the chances of successful recovery. MAT facilities also provide recovery counseling and daily meetings with other clients to build a strong recovery foundation. Along with facilitating the withdrawal process, a MAT program can play a fundamental part in a treatment plan.
Substance abuse can quickly turn into the downward spiral that is addiction. People can better understand substance abuse and addiction by knowing these substances’ dangers. Substance abuse can be treacherous ground to navigate. Advertising and social media influence society to abuse substances for fun or if they are having a bad day. Musicians and entertainers promote substance use in music and movies, causing a sense of enticement and curiosity in young people. Opening Pandora’s box of substance abuse and addiction is not a proactive life choice. What began as enjoying time with friends can quickly become a life of dependence and detriment. Educating and informing people about the dangers of addictive substances like alcohol, opioids, caffeine, and nicotine is the first step to addiction awareness. These substances are around in everyday activities. Having information about substances that can be seen while running daily errands can be the deciding factor when considering whether to drink alcohol or use another addictive substance. Being informed on the stages of substance abuse, such as physical addiction, tolerance, and withdrawal, can be priceless in this substance-filled society.
Its Been A While
I have wanted to post this for a while and I honestly have no reason as to why I didn’t. I wrote an expository essay on services vital to a soldiers return to civilian life. I really enjoyed writing it so I wanted to throw it up so people could read it. I hope you enjoy!!!!
From “Armed Forces Avenue” to “Civvy Street”
Veterans make the ultimate sacrifice when in service. They face danger and put their life on the line for Americans to live in freedom and liberty after battling hostile enemies, foreign territory, and time away from their loved ones. Veterans often face the most difficult challenge when returning home and reentering civilian life. There are a variety of services and resources available to our service members. Finding the right combination of resources and activities can be vital to a successful transition. Reentering civilian life can be much more intense than anticipated, but a successful change can be made with a robust support system, stable and secure employment, and active community engagement. A veteran can have a whole and rewarding civilian life.
A veteran wakes up in a cold sweat. He looks around, and the room he is in is unfamiliar. His mind is racing. Calm is evading him at the current moment. Then, a familiar female voice calls his name. A soft light turns on, and it is his wife with a glass of cold water. Like many others, this veteran suffered from PTSD and had a treacherous nightmare (Shor R. et al., 2022). The only thing that soothes him in times like this is a lullaby his wife used to sing to their now 10-year-old son when he was an infant. Before the Veteran experiences war on his first deployment, many Veterans leave the service with severe mental health issues (Shor R. et al., 2022). Having people at home and in the community to provide strength and support is essential. Soldiers can feel alone and completely isolated when they return to civilian life (Pease J. et al., (2015). This can make the home life and support of the family complex. Family members must find strength and resolve to remain supportive and continue assisting in the transition. Strong relationships with community members and coworkers can help the family support system (Pease J. et al., (2015). Although there can be limitations, finding stable, secure, and rewarding employment is another phenomenal resource Veterans can utilize when returning to “Civvy Street.”
Sitting in anticipation, a soldier waits for an email response about a job he has been avidly pursuing. What started as an optimistic job search has transformed into a desperate search for a sense of self. This veteran never imagined the transition to “Civvy Street” to be this arduous, and not thinking about life after service was a poor plan. While deployed, arrogant and unrealistic thoughts of an employment field ready and ripe for the picking often danced in this Veteran’s head (Keeling M. et al., (2018). Now the grim reality is setting in. Not only does he have no idea what he might want to pursue. The sense of belonging and the idea of him as a person are also taking massive hits due to this tragic job search (Keeling M. et al., (2018). As quickly as he can refresh his browser, the email arrives. Hesitation sets in, and sweat begins to form in the palms of his hands. Employers can be hesitant to hire veterans. Fearing the consequences of what a PTSD diagnosis might bring to their business (Keeling M. et al., (2018). Finally, building courage, the email opens, and the response is read. Employment has been obtained! The potential of building bonds fills his imagination. Not only can employment provide financial stability, but it can also be a great place to meet new people and other transitioning veterans. A job is a great way to find engaging activities in the community. Excitement builds as he types his response and prepares for his first day at his new job.
Some months have passed, and adjusting to the new position has been surprisingly easy for this Veteran in transition. Thankfully, there have been no bad mental days, and having stable employment has provided a routine that makes the days a breeze. However, still lacking what feels like a true sense of belonging, he hopes for an event to attend on Veteran’s Day. While working on a project, a co-worker he has not spoken to very often reaches out to him and informs him of their shared bond. They are both Veterans that served in the Middle East. While conversating, information is given about a group of local Veterans holding a fundraiser on Veteran’s Day. These activities are vital when reentering civilian life (Herman A., Yarwood R. (2013). Finding a sense of self and a genuine camaraderie can be a great asset to a Veteran adjusting to “Civvy Street.” This is one of the most difficult challenges he has faced. Maintaining a sense of social commonality and connectedness is vital when searching for post-service employment (Herman A., Yarwood R. (2013).
A variety of excellent resources are available to soldiers who are exiting the service and reentering civilian life. Sadly, many Veterans are not prepared for the difficulty that comes with returning to “Civvy Street,” and they are not able to transition successfully, leading down a path of mental illness and substance abuse (Pease J. et al., (2015). In addition, veterans return to a completely alien environment (Pease J. et al., (2015), and society expects them to make this conversion easily. Unaware of the underlying struggles of reentering civilian life, a Veteran can feel completely helpless and hopeless. However, the combination of a robust support system, stable and secure employment, and active community engagement provide a Veteran with great resources that will reinforce an attitude of optimism. These things have been proven essential to give Veterans a fighting chance at flourishing in civilian life.
Faults and Responsibilities
Fault and responsibility are separate. A car accident could be someone else’s fault. But the repairs to your vehicle are your responsibility. It is the same in life. Circumstances may not be our fault, but dealing with the results of these circumstances is our responsibility. It is not the victim’s fault that their house got burglarized, but their responsibility is to find safer accommodations. My life was a shit show. I would always blame my exposure to opiates on the prescribing doctor. Yes, he did write me the prescription, but it was my responsibility to take the medication as prescribed. Numerous roadblocks in my life haven’t necessarily been “my fault,” but dealing with the outcome has always been my responsibility. It is up to us to fix the things going wrong in our lives. If the way you are doing things isn’t working, it is your responsibility to be aware of that and make adjustments. Doing the same thing and expecting different results is insanity. Suppose you’re doing the same thing and expecting someone to come along and change things for you. That’s plain stupidity. Nobody will put in work they aren’t even willing to put in for themselves. If there is something you want from life, you have to get it. I can speak from experience. Talent isn’t enough. I have had talent my entire life. I have been told I am intelligent and talented my whole life. That didn’t change the fact that I was lazy and a massive fan of procrastination. You don’t want success if you aren’t willing to take action. You have to be willing to spend every free minute pursuing your passion. If you are doing nothing. You are wasting time. There is always something to learn. There is always a way to get one percent better. A dream is never meant to be forgotten or given up on. If you try to ignore your passion, I promise you will feel empty and try to find something to fill that void. Stop making excuses. We all have the same 24 hours in a day. We make time for what we find essential. Suppose you can make time to waste time. You can make time to create the life you want. Peace. Love. Prayer. Strength.
Transformed By Truth 