Realizations

I will make time to do what is truly a priority to me. I will find time to put energy into the things I really want to do. That was a difficult conclusion to come too. That means my success is up to me. How badly I want to succeed will be expressed in the amount of effort I put into what is necessary to complete the task at hand. I am also coming to the understanding that I will not let ANYTHING or ANYONE stop me from succeeding if it is truly what I want to do. There was never a day that I let any obstacle, internal or external, stop me from using. Realizing that, I refuse to get in my own way again. I know with every molecule in my being I will not get another chance. That is where RECOVER OR DIE came from. I don’t get another shot at Russian roulette. The bullet is in the chamber and the hammer is cocked. If I relapse I might as well pull the trigger. That is at the end of my tape every time. When I have those cravings and I play my tape all the way through. The finale is me thinking I can do “just one.” That is the most selfish thought I could possibly have. In recovery I can think about all the people that would be CRUSHED by my death. My disease is waiting for that moment of weakness. That is why every day I do everything in my power to strengthen my program. I know I can do more and I accept the fact that I will never be able to do EVERYTHING. I am human. But I also know that I will only get what I give. If I put in ten percent. I will get ten percent in return. But if I do everything with the same fervor I attacked using drugs with then there is NOTHING that can stop me. My thinking is, if I can put that much energy into trying to commit suicide every day. I can definitely put that much energy into LIVING LIFE ON LIFES TERMS!!!!

God,

Grant me the serenity. To accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference.