The Beginning of the End

I have to be honest. I relapsed and now I find myself in this position I’ve been in so many times before. Every time I trek this arduous path, I find myself exploring my mental state more and more. No doubt withdrawal is physically demanding but it takes a ton of mental strength as well. Every aspect of recovery is hard where I am. The location alone is a trigger. Also having the worst thoughts about the court date I have this month along with all the negative thoughts my brain throws at me. It is definitely not easy but I have to do this. I want a better quality of life. Being in fear of withdrawal is no way to live. I deserve better and my family deserves MUCH better. Its always easy to give in and put a temporary fix on a permanent problem. That never works. I have to put the same amount of energy into my recovery. I worked hard to stay well, I can work just as hard to stay clean. There are so many things I neglect to use. It’s only a matter of time before my drug use has severe physical impact. I’ve already put my wife and boys in situations they shouldn’t have been in. It’s time for me to make better decisions. If I can’t work this out I truly fear I will lose it all. I’ve worked to hard and come too far to take steps in the wrong direction. I love my family more than anything and I know that my drug use will eventually cause me to lose my family and everything I’ve worked so hard for. I have skills and insight that most people don’t have. I need to utilize what I’m good at, it will prove to be monumental for me. Things will change. The Beginning of the End.